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My Superpower Dilemma

Quick question.

Have you ever really wondered, ‘What if the SpiderMan and Batman we know today did everything those creatures would?” One would be an 8-eyed monstrosity that shoots webs out of his ass and the other would be a fugly night creature that sucked blood from its victims. Let that sink in for a minute… don’t rush, take your time.

My Superpower DilemmaIf you’re asking yourself why I am asking such a random question, well let me paint a scenario for you. I work as a chef’s assistant currently. And for the first time in a long time, and much to my surprise, I managed to have a Saturday night off recently. Now, anyone who works in the restaurant business knows that you CANNOT have a Saturday night off. Why? Because it’ll rip a bigass hole in the space-time continuum. (I’m just using science fiction phrases I don’t really know much about).

 

You see, Saturday nights are the busiest and having the night off usually implies that you’re a burden or you’re just an incredibly lucky bastard. I am the latter… Don’t worry. I know because I also asked my colleagues just to make sure :D. So with my newfound freedom, I decided to take a walk around to find a place to eat. Mind you, I was broke that weekend since I paid rent… by the way I’m still broke now. So I was looking for the cheapest place with the highest return.

I finally decided to go to Apache Pizza where I could get a 9-inch pizza with two toppings, chips and a drink. All for just five euros. Ok I digress. On my way, I walked past a comic book shop and I started thinking to myself: ‘If I had to choose one superpower. What would that be?’ My mind went into overdrive shortly after that.

  • My Superpower DilemmaSo my first thought was that I’d be Batman aka money. (Okay he’s technically not a super-hero in the real sense of the word. But that’s a discussion for another time). But having an underage sidekick running around the city with you in tights raises a few questions. Today, that kinda thing is an interesting target for brutal internet memes.
  • I’d be the Flash or Quiksilver. Buuut I don’t wanna be the subject of the following joke from the ladies ; ‘Hey, I hear you can run really fast. Do you come really fast too?’ Yeah I do not like that, I’m very petty. Because I might reply with something like, ‘Haha no shit! You’re so Original. I’m surprised that’s not actually your real middle name.”

So just before I walk into Apache, I then thinkSuper strength?? Not a bad one. Think about it. Wouldn’t it be great to just bully all your problems into submission? But if I’ve learned anything from comic books, it is the fact that super strength usually prevents the ‘hero’ from exercising caution due to ‘invincibility’. So there’s a very good chance that a smarter individual might turn me into a boy scout, manipulate me to suit their agenda or find a way to use my strength against me. So yeah, that can wait.

My Superpower DilemmaI walk up and order my pizza, take a seat and wait for my number to be called out on the loud speaker. That’s when I think to myself. Do I really need to walk over to my pizza, why can’t my pizza come to me? Psychic power – Telekinesis – Mind Control. This power is near invincible. I cannot think of any major weaknesses with this one. The power to move things with your mind? To mess with people’s minds? Toy with them like a puppeteer?… Okay. The more I talk, the more I realise I should just give up on being a superhero and embrace my calling as a superdick. This kinda underhanded shit is not beneath me unfortunately.

 

I don’t want to make this article longer than it needs to be. So I’ll just skip out on all my other thoughts (super intellect, super hearing, healing factor, natural elements control, teleportation etc.) and tell you what power I finally settled for.

 

OPTIC BLASTS

 

Yep. Simple. It was a tough choice between flight and lasers. If there’s anything I’ve ever really wanted to be able to do, it’s to shoot laser beams out of my eyes. With full control over them, not the crazy uncontrollable beams Cyclops has. I would hate to look at anyone and end up looking through them instead. That would give literal meaning to the phrase – The Look of Death. I don’t want to change the world, I’m not that ambitious. But I do like that feeling of knowing that you have optic laser beams at your command. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it’s the simple things.

Alright guys, needed to get this one off my chest. Let me know what your first choice of superpower would be if you could choose only one. Feel free to discuss your views on the article in the comments section below. Also make sure to see my other articles on this website for great content on online entrepreneurship and learning material from Wealthy Affiliate.

Thank you :).

 

Derrick

6 Comments

  1. Hi, Derrick, you have me entertained again. Funny stuff. What I would choose I think is to be invisible, like that I could tell everybody I can fly or have laser eyes or whatever and no one could check it because they don’t see me lol.
    I hope your pizza was ok and wish you all the best.
    See you, Stefan

    • Haha now you’re talking. Only downside is going invisible during the winter – You’ll catch a nasty cold if you can’t turn your clothes invisible too. Thanks!

  2. Derrick, your random musings are something that I can relate to very well! My superhero power would most likely be something like the Flash. Smart, Funny, Humble and very, very fast to arrive anywhere or accomplish any task…especially when it comes to making my own pizza. 😉
    I hope you enjoyed your night of freedom and delicious food.
    Thanks for sharing.
    -Steph

    • Thanks Steph. I’m glad I’m not the only one that has ridiculously random thoughts all the time! I think I’ll just use my laser beams to beam the pizza 😀

  3. Great stuff man. Really. I laughed the whole time. I had already had my thoughts on my super powers and concluded about 5 yrs ago. .. Flash definitely Flash

    • Flash is the man. I like how he’s so fast he can run away from his problems into the future :D. Thanks perika!

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